The First Man In My Life

The First Man In My Life

What is a Father?

The definition will depend on each of our story about them. A Father is like my Dad. 80% of his influence and principle in life had marked my personality. I was so much like him in all aspect. Persistence- high aimed-finisher. I have so much memories of time spent with him more than I have with Mom. He used to take me to sleep and be the first one to wake me up in the morning. He kissed me goodnight to sleep and carry me to bed. I remember of faking my sleep just to be carried by him. I just love his arms wrapping my body and feel the security it brings to me. I couldn’t forget how he sings for me before I sleep and during my birthdays. He loves to sing for me and my Mom. My Dad had a good voice and it was a regret of not inheriting that gift from him.

My Dad used to bring me with him in all his construction projects. We slept most in their project site quarters and as young as I am, I have earlier exposure to various building construction. I witnessed the construction of U.P Los Banos, the Lourdes Hospital in Mandaluyong, The Folk Arts Theatre which project was pioneered by the former First Lady. It was built to accommodate the first hosting of Miss Universe Pageant. My dad was one of the hundreds of workers involve in building that landmark. There are many others, the Westin Plaza Hotel, The New World Hotel in Makati, The Twin Tower Makati, The Greenbelt Park which use to house the Quad Cinema, the Makati Square Cinema, Fil-invest Alabang, Gerry's Grill in Greenhills, Chilis and Superbowl etc,. etc.

My Dad experiences with construction projects gave me the nerve to enter university and take Architecture degree. Not much of my liking but more of his desire and dream. Being the eldest of the two siblings, I have ventured out to do his divine will. My Fathers will. My calling to become an Architect is not as much as my Father's calling to have an architect daughter. I gave way because of his strictness and determination that I will be the one to deliver us from poverty.

He succeeded to my amazement and going back to where my family used to be, I could say, we progress better. I used to contradict his agenda. That’s me. I did get it from him, my mom confirmed it. Truly that once you get educated, your intellect by- passes of that our parents level of knowledge. And that’s where the bickering and misunderstanding started. My will or my Dad's will. But my Dad was someone I couldn’t ignore.

He had suffered many sacrificial acts for the good of his family. He travelled so far with great distance from us. For 20 years he was separated from us, working in different places just to make our education fulfilled. After 20 years, I hardly know him. He became a stranger to us. His absence in our childhood days made a bad impact in our growing up. He was able to miss out the very important events and difficulties we have experienced in our adolescence years. He was not there when we graduated from Elementary and High School. He was not there when my brother started to get interested with girls. He was not there when I received my diploma with a degree that he desired long time for me. He was not with us to celebrate those remarkable endings of my school years, my jubilations that I indeed leaped from what I used to be. I have missed him to the most important event in my life.

Of course, he ended up and get tire up being a contract worker. Immediately, after my brother finished his degree, my Dad went home for good. He looked at us like we are his colleagues in Saudi. He takes care of himself more than he takes care of us. His psychological situation deranged him from us. It took us two years to adjust with him and him from us. Mom entered us into a therapy with Dad. We went back to zero.

And how is that? We have to make Dad feel that we are his children. We bring slipper upon his arrival at home. We gave him towel and wipe his back when he perspires. We kissed him goodbye to work and welcome him with a hug after his work. We prepared his dinner and told him stories about our day. We ask for his advice and his approval to things that pertains to our personal problems. It happened in my 21th year. My Dad never asked anything from me when I began working, but Mom insisted us to spend time with him. We have time to go out as a family and treated them over dinner or lunch. I became close again with my Dad and spend much time building our dreams together. Whenever he planned on something, we would have a family meeting. There will be discussions and exchange of ideas. Since, my Dad is a very responsible man, we never question his plan because it is always for the better of us and whatever he plans; we saw it fulfilled.

My admiration and respect for my Dad have grown high that even he didn’t reached my level of education, his wisdom was well acknowledge. He had even bigger salary than us. Enough that even I don’t work, we'll be okay. He had plenty of connection and well-of friends. He was very popular in his work and eventually in our subdivision. My Dad was well-respected by many people in variety.

But one day, He fell and went into sin. Once again, it marked my life with many impacts. I couldn’t follow his footsteps any longer. He lost everything when he followed his own sin. He lost his job, the trust of other people who look upon him, He made a big hole in my umbrella. A hole that stained his integrity and I was the first one to get devastated. There was so much pain and yet I wanted to give him a chance to come back and prove his worth again. I wanted to build bridges so that he could return safely back to us without looking back at the jammed he went through with.

But I'm hoping one day…praying so much that one day.. I will see him back with his normal self. It has been two years now since he fell to the enemy's trap and he is not asking for any help. He doesn’t want my help and even God's grace and mercy. He was totally being complacent to the new world that he was living now. He doesn’t know how much I missed him so much. He doesn’t know that it affected me so much that I lose the sight of the shore with this perfect storm he brought our family in. He used to be the path I am following with, but now I have stopped walking behind him.

The outlook changed the way I looked at marriage. I began to drop all my expectations. The growth started to slow down. He will not be able to read this, I'm sure. But I wanted to tell him, that I couldn’t forget him and that I still love him so much. There were no days and nights that I didn’t cry to God to ask for a miracle; to awaken my Dad from his worst nightmare " Dad, whoever you are with, I have spare a space in my heart for understanding you, though you love them now more than you have loved us, though it cuts like a knife for me and Mom, just don’t forget to take a peek on what we had before as a family.

Bring your memory back to us. Memories I'm keeping dearly within my heart because now it’s the only thing that connects you and me." I missed you so much Daddy. Please find the lost shore for me.
Happy Fathers Day.


I would like to thank MLK to allow me to share her life story. I hope that one day a house become a home again, in God's perfect time. Let not time and place bewildered our relationship. Let the Lord be the center of our family.



The Pope said...

A very touching relationship between the Father and his son, a story of reality wherein many fathers falls into the trap of sins of flesh and unfaithfulness which causes the breakup of their own family. May each Dad that have sinned learn the value of repentance and find their way back home to the arms of their loving wife and children through the mercy of God.

Roh said...

i love my father, and i love my mother too! short to say I LOVE MY PARENTS!


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