The First Man In My Life

The First Man In My Life

By:MLK

What is a Father?

The definition will depend on each of our story about them. A Father is like my Dad. 80% of his influence and principle in life had marked my personality. I was so much like him in all aspect. Persistence- high aimed-finisher. I have so much memories of time spent with him more than I have with Mom. He used to take me to sleep and be the first one to wake me up in the morning. He kissed me goodnight to sleep and carry me to bed. I remember of faking my sleep just to be carried by him. I just love his arms wrapping my body and feel the security it brings to me. I couldn’t forget how he sings for me before I sleep and during my birthdays. He loves to sing for me and my Mom. My Dad had a good voice and it was a regret of not inheriting that gift from him.

My Dad used to bring me with him in all his construction projects. We slept most in their project site quarters and as young as I am, I have earlier exposure to various building construction. I witnessed the construction of U.P Los Banos, the Lourdes Hospital in Mandaluyong, The Folk Arts Theatre which project was pioneered by the former First Lady. It was built to accommodate the first hosting of Miss Universe Pageant. My dad was one of the hundreds of workers involve in building that landmark. There are many others, the Westin Plaza Hotel, The New World Hotel in Makati, The Twin Tower Makati, The Greenbelt Park which use to house the Quad Cinema, the Makati Square Cinema, Fil-invest Alabang, Gerry's Grill in Greenhills, Chilis and Superbowl etc,. etc.

My Dad experiences with construction projects gave me the nerve to enter university and take Architecture degree. Not much of my liking but more of his desire and dream. Being the eldest of the two siblings, I have ventured out to do his divine will. My Fathers will. My calling to become an Architect is not as much as my Father's calling to have an architect daughter. I gave way because of his strictness and determination that I will be the one to deliver us from poverty.

He succeeded to my amazement and going back to where my family used to be, I could say, we progress better. I used to contradict his agenda. That’s me. I did get it from him, my mom confirmed it. Truly that once you get educated, your intellect by- passes of that our parents level of knowledge. And that’s where the bickering and misunderstanding started. My will or my Dad's will. But my Dad was someone I couldn’t ignore.

He had suffered many sacrificial acts for the good of his family. He travelled so far with great distance from us. For 20 years he was separated from us, working in different places just to make our education fulfilled. After 20 years, I hardly know him. He became a stranger to us. His absence in our childhood days made a bad impact in our growing up. He was able to miss out the very important events and difficulties we have experienced in our adolescence years. He was not there when we graduated from Elementary and High School. He was not there when my brother started to get interested with girls. He was not there when I received my diploma with a degree that he desired long time for me. He was not with us to celebrate those remarkable endings of my school years, my jubilations that I indeed leaped from what I used to be. I have missed him to the most important event in my life.

Of course, he ended up and get tire up being a contract worker. Immediately, after my brother finished his degree, my Dad went home for good. He looked at us like we are his colleagues in Saudi. He takes care of himself more than he takes care of us. His psychological situation deranged him from us. It took us two years to adjust with him and him from us. Mom entered us into a therapy with Dad. We went back to zero.

And how is that? We have to make Dad feel that we are his children. We bring slipper upon his arrival at home. We gave him towel and wipe his back when he perspires. We kissed him goodbye to work and welcome him with a hug after his work. We prepared his dinner and told him stories about our day. We ask for his advice and his approval to things that pertains to our personal problems. It happened in my 21th year. My Dad never asked anything from me when I began working, but Mom insisted us to spend time with him. We have time to go out as a family and treated them over dinner or lunch. I became close again with my Dad and spend much time building our dreams together. Whenever he planned on something, we would have a family meeting. There will be discussions and exchange of ideas. Since, my Dad is a very responsible man, we never question his plan because it is always for the better of us and whatever he plans; we saw it fulfilled.

My admiration and respect for my Dad have grown high that even he didn’t reached my level of education, his wisdom was well acknowledge. He had even bigger salary than us. Enough that even I don’t work, we'll be okay. He had plenty of connection and well-of friends. He was very popular in his work and eventually in our subdivision. My Dad was well-respected by many people in variety.

But one day, He fell and went into sin. Once again, it marked my life with many impacts. I couldn’t follow his footsteps any longer. He lost everything when he followed his own sin. He lost his job, the trust of other people who look upon him, He made a big hole in my umbrella. A hole that stained his integrity and I was the first one to get devastated. There was so much pain and yet I wanted to give him a chance to come back and prove his worth again. I wanted to build bridges so that he could return safely back to us without looking back at the jammed he went through with.

But I'm hoping one day…praying so much that one day.. I will see him back with his normal self. It has been two years now since he fell to the enemy's trap and he is not asking for any help. He doesn’t want my help and even God's grace and mercy. He was totally being complacent to the new world that he was living now. He doesn’t know how much I missed him so much. He doesn’t know that it affected me so much that I lose the sight of the shore with this perfect storm he brought our family in. He used to be the path I am following with, but now I have stopped walking behind him.

The outlook changed the way I looked at marriage. I began to drop all my expectations. The growth started to slow down. He will not be able to read this, I'm sure. But I wanted to tell him, that I couldn’t forget him and that I still love him so much. There were no days and nights that I didn’t cry to God to ask for a miracle; to awaken my Dad from his worst nightmare " Dad, whoever you are with, I have spare a space in my heart for understanding you, though you love them now more than you have loved us, though it cuts like a knife for me and Mom, just don’t forget to take a peek on what we had before as a family.

Bring your memory back to us. Memories I'm keeping dearly within my heart because now it’s the only thing that connects you and me." I missed you so much Daddy. Please find the lost shore for me.
Happy Fathers Day.

*********************

I would like to thank MLK to allow me to share her life story. I hope that one day a house become a home again, in God's perfect time. Let not time and place bewildered our relationship. Let the Lord be the center of our family.

Intimacy in Marriage

Intimacy in Marriage 

I receive and read this this story a couple of times. I believe it is worth to share this to those married couple (like us), plan to get married or not yet married.Please take a moment to continue read this touching story.

Intimacy in Marriage

author unknown

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said, I've got something to tell you. She sat down and ate quietly. Again I observed the hurt in her eyes. Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce.. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, why? I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, you are not a man!

That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her! With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces.

The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger. I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning.. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions.. . She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.. My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed.

So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain. From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.

On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me. On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger. She was choosing what to wear one morning. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily.

Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head. Our son came in at the moment and said, Dad, it's time to carry mum out. To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day. But her much lighter weight made me sad.

On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy. I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind...I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore. She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead.. Do you have a fever? She said. I moved her hand off my head. Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more. Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy.

Do have a real happy marriage! If you don't share this, nothing will happen to you. If you do, you just might save a marriage. Many of life's failures are people who did not realize how close they were to success when they gave up.

How to Stop a Divorce After You've Been Unfaithful

How to Stop a Divorce After You've Been Unfaithful

By [http://ezinearticles.com/?expert=Marcy_Cook]Marcy Cook

If you are on the edge of divorce but still love your spouse there are many ways you can stop your divorce before it's too late. It all depends on why your spouse wants the divorce in the first place. If you are the cause of the divorce because of your infidelity then this article will address some things you should and shouldn't do.


If you really want to stop a divorce you have to start taking responsibility for your actions.

Start by being honest with yourself. How likely is it that you will stray again? Maybe you are straying because you are not getting something from your spouse that you need. Or maybe you are a cheating spouse just because it is your nature and it is very likely you will do it again.

If you are not getting something that you need from your spouse then you need to say that to your partner. Don't tell them you will never stray again because the fact is until you get what you need from your spouse you will not be able to remain faithful.

You may need to go to couples counseling to get down to the root cause of your infidelity and what your spouse is not giving you. In that type of a setting you can both be calm and cool and a counselor can help you wade through all the "double talk" that couples often use to communicate with each other.

Many times just by your suggesting couples counseling you can stop a divorce in its tracks. And, the benefits you receive from the counselor will put you both on track to giving each other what you need to move forward and never stray again.

On the other hand if you have been unfaithful just because that is who you are, but you still want to stop your divorce, then you are going to have to work even harder. You are going to have to prove that you are totally trustworthy. Couples counseling will also work in this situation but the work is going to be on your part. After all, your spouse didn't do anything - you did!

If you have been unfaithful just because that's" who you are" ...then face up to reality and be honest with your spouse. Tell them that is who you think you are. But, let's be real...you weren't born that way. Now you must find out why you cheat and then work to change that in yourself.

It's not enough to tell your spouse you will change. She or he won't believe it anyway. As the saying goes - actions speak louder than words. You are going to have to do a number of things to regain your spouse's trust.

1.) Own up to your spouse - tell them what you did and why
2.) Show them you have changed - don't tell them - SHOW THEM!
3.) Seek as much relationship advice as you can.
4.) Don't get upset or argue when your spouse shows they still can't trust you.
5.) Get used to the fact that you have to earn your spouse's respect and trust.

By showing that you are making a very big effort to change, your spouse will gradually begin to trust you again and you can [http://www.magic-of-makingup.net/]stop your divorce. It takes time though. Be patient. If you really want to stop your divorce you will have to go through a lot before your spouse can accept the fact that you have changed.

If you are seeking expert relationship advice you can visit [http://www.relationshipadviceresearched.com/]Relationship Advice Researched. There you will find a choice of a number of different relationship advice programs that will work for your particular situation.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Marcy_Cook http://EzineArticles.com/?How-to-Stop-a-Divorce-After-Youve-Been-Unfaithful&id=1987089